We’re honored to present today’s story by minister Yeshua A. Holiday.
Hello, I’m Yeshua A. Holiday and I’m honored to be asked to write this piece for you guys. A little about me: I’m a minister and the National Liaison for the TransSaints Ministry of the Fellowship of Affirming Ministries. I’m in the process of forming a new ministry, here in Memphis, that will be focused on trans people and their walk with the Creator. I’m a proud Leatherman. I am a Board member of the Yvette A. Flunder Foundation and Tennessee Equality Project. I’m co-founder of the very first conference for African American/Black trans people-Transsistahs-Transbrothas Conference.
I knew from a young age that I was different from other guys and girls. I was told that I was a girl, but I knew I was a boy, but didn’t have certain parts that other boys had. I remember being told by one of the other boys that maybe those parts would grow in later (kids say the darndest things lol). As a teenager I lived on the edge, at times thinking of suicide because my life felt unbearable in so many different areas. As a young adult, I turned to drugs because I couldn’t figure out how to properly let out who I was and how I was feeling on the inside. I remember seeing this talk show in the early 80’s where a transman was being interviewed. He seemed so depressed and though I recognized myself, fully, for the first time, I allowed his negativity to stop my thoughts about ever transitioning. Instead, turning to mind altering ways of coping with what I thought I could do nothing about and living life as best I could. Though I managed to get myself in good space and place in life, I never felt totally complete. It wasn’t until one young lady, I was dating, affirmed me as a man and told me where to go to begin my process that I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Today, though I have only had a hysterectomy, I am very happy with who I am and how I look. I am not interested in bottom surgery and top surgery is not something I really need to focus on. I can now celebrate my life as a young lady, though I will NEVER be comfortable or happy being referred to as one. I am a MAN, ftm, even a man with a feminine spirit, but a man nonetheless.
-Yeshua A. Holiday