Today’s reflection comes to us from Noori Jerrard.
From a tender age, I knew that I was a boy. I was just as tough, fast and strong as the other boys but for some reason they insisted on calling me a “tomboy” and/or “she”.
I absolutely abhorred their blatant confusion. In my mind I was just developing slower and EVERY night I would pray that I would wake up from some figurative cocoon as the me I intrinsically saw.
Well that never happened.
What did happen was modeling, where my feminine beauty was to be celebrated and athletics, where I felt somewhat duped for having to compete with girls.
During this time my body image was hit like a ton of bricks! I felt lost, scared, angry and it almost felt like some wicked cosmic trick was being played on me and me alone.
Leave it to the Universe to know, because my parents began noticing this “disconnect” too and allowed me to express myself exactly the way I wanted to. They fostered both the feminine and masculine energies in me. I sincerely believe this gave me the courage to grow into and discover who I was and what I was truly about.
When I first decided to begin transitioning, I wanted to just disappear and not let anyone in. I wanted to erase who I was believing that who I was would never be part of who I was becoming.
Something in me told me that wasn’t how it should be and I’m glad my inner voice prevailed because unbeknownst to me, my transition has been a vessel to strengthen others!
Now, here I stand as a transman, who decided to not only shape my body, mind and spirit the way I saw fit, but as a personal trainer, helping others do the very same with their lives. This has led me to creating Triumphant Transition Fitness, my fitness, health and wellness brand. It is my goal to empower others to manifest their dreams and never give up until they do.
To add even more to the equation, I have a plethora of sublime souls as a support system who, like me, are striving to create a space in which we can live free from the misconceptions that come both from the outside world and inside our hearts.
There are still times when I struggle with my body image. I struggle with not being able to do certain things that other men can do, not looking the way I feel I should look, etc.
However, I have learned over the years to be gentle with myself, to love myself more and remind myself that my journey was chosen just for me.
Peace and Blessings