Community-Kinship-Life is opening their next round of trans surgery scholarship applications on January 1, 2014! If anyone you know might benefit from this scholarship program, please pass on the information. There has been a change in Scholarship fund deadlines, so check out the CK Life Web site for the most up-to-date information.
Love Ourselves, Love Our Bodies: Reed Miller
Today’s reflection on body image and dating comes to us from Reed Miller.
One White Transman’s Take on Dating Cismen & Body Image
My relationship to body image takes me back to middle school, where I distinctly remember becoming aware of my appearance and its supposed shortcomings. The affluent suburb I resentfully grew up in valued brand names, thinness, and generally looking like you just walked out of a magazine. (Due to my class privilege, I have access to many more resources than people with less class privilege have, including those related to body image, so my experiences are probably different from others’.) I was thin due to my metabolism, but I saw how my friends’ adolescent bodies were forming differently, and rejected notions about fat people being lazy and ugly. I’m grateful now to be in community with feminists and fat justice activists who help me keep learning about these issues. An important thing I learned from a Wellness Coach is that surrounding yourself with people with positive body images is much better for your own body image than being around people who are constantly degrading their own bodies or judging others. As a result, I’ve tried to be more conscious of how I talk amongst other people (and in this post!).
For me, body image has mainly had implications in the dating world. I had my first boyfriends in 5th and 6th grade, but we mostly climbed trees and played video games. Around 7th grade I told friends I was bi, and since then have mostly dated ciswomen and slept with cismen from time to time, taking on labels from bi to lesbian to queer to gay back to queer. In my quest to meet fantastic partners, I’ve suffered from self-imposed expectations (guided by despicable popular media and gossip) that I needed to look certain ways to be attractive. I admit and regret that I have sometimes projected those expectations on others. I’ve also gauged my attractiveness and boosted my self esteem based on AIM messages from boys about how sexy I was, but I’ve gotten away from that a bit in the past 15 years.
Since coming out as trans 5 years ago, dating has been a trip. My body image has gradually improved as I’ve settled into this new version of me. I’ve enjoyed attention from some really super queer ciswomen. I’ve wanted to date queer men, and have had a couple of boyfriends, but overall I’ve met few radical queer men–cis or trans–who want to date transmen. I’ve found that most cis gay men lack even a basic understanding of transmen, which is startling and frustrating to me. Since I’ve grown facial hair I’ve become more confident, but I still worry about coming out to someone cute I’ve been flirting with at a club–how will they react??
Because of those worries, I’ve mostly been trying the internet thing. Many of the gay apps feature photos of headless 6-packs. I’m not interested in conforming to that aesthetic, and I don’t have the interest (or discipline) to try to attain that physique, so I put up head shots. Grindr convos have been mediocre to bad in terms of trans questions–check out http://transmenongrindr.tumblr.com/ to get a sense of what I mean. Scruff is a bit better because you can list yourself as transgender and/or seeking transgender. Lately, posting on Craigslist for people seeking transmen and thoroughly screening responses has been really successful because it’s a self-selecting group, but I’ve still encountered ignorance there.
I’m about to move to a new city in the South, and I’m excited to meet new and charming people there. My goal is to be full-time fabulous, and not let my perceptions of others’ perceptions hold me back! I am also eager to engage in conversations and read more about fat justice, because as we know, oppressions intersect in oh so many twisted ways.
Love Ourselves, Love Our Bodies: Benjamin D. Perkins
Today’s reflection on body image and health was written by Benjamin D. Perkins
My Body & Advent: A Reflection
I’ve really only recently paid attention to my body. Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older and cannot take it for granted. Perhaps it’s because as a gay man I’m aware that the currency it carries is diminishing in some circles. Or perhaps it’s because both of my parents died relatively young, their bodies failing them–in one case, quickly, the other, slowly–and I am inching ever closer to the ages they were when they died.
After a lifetime of being fairly sedentary, I recently became a runner. At best it’s a love-hate relationship, oftentimes more one than the other, but I can say honestly that the experience has been transformative. The ability to go distances I never dreamed I could travel has given me confidence in my capacity to persevere, and I love the way I look running… sometimes.
What I’ve also come to understand on my journey is that my body has value and meaning, and that I owe it respect. I know that food, exercise, and meditation are essential to my well-being-—these aren’t luxuries. My ancestors’ blood flows through my veins, and I honor them and my Creator when I respect my body.
As a someone who is in the process of becoming an ordained minister, I cannot help but also be reminded of the centrality of the body-—intellect has its place, but when the mind takes motion, it is the body that shapes and molds. And it is only then, as we say in the Christian tradition, that words become flesh.
I believe that we are all made in our Creator’s image, and a big part of that image is what I do with my body, which is why I really love the name “Body Image 4 Justice”! For it reminds me that one purpose of my image is to be about the business of creating justice in the world, and that’s a wonderful thing to ponder this Advent Season.
Amen.
New Posting Schedule for the “Love Ourselves, Love Our Bodies” Campaign
Starting this week, the “Love Ourselves, Love Our Bodies Just As We Are” campaign is moving to a weekly posting schedule, which will continue through the end of 2013. New campaign posts will be published on Wednesdays on the BodyImage4Justice Web site and on the organization’s Facebook page.
We are still seeking new contributions of writing and video for this campaign, especially from youth and elders in the trans and LGBTQ community. We particularly want to include the voices of trans women in this campaign. For more information about how to submit a story or video to the campaign, please visit the “Love Ourselves, Love Our Bodies Just As We Are” Campaign page.
“Supporting Our Child’s Transition” a Success!
BodyImage4Justice would like to thank all the people who came out to Harvard University on Wednesday, December 4th for our panel discussion, “Supporting Our Child’s Transition”. We’d also like to thank the families who served as our amazing panelists, moderator Corey Yarbrough, our wonderful friends and supporters from the Livingston Pangburn Transgender Access Partnership, and our co-sponsors: the Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition, the Hispanic Black Gay Coalition, and Greater Boston PFLAG.
We appreciate everyone’s participation and support in making this event happen! Please visit our YouTube channel to view short video clips of the panel discussion.
Love Ourselves, Love Our Bodies: Vann Michael
Today’s poetic reflection on body image and gender comes to us from Vann Michael (O.N.E.I.)
I AM AGELESS
I AM an Ageless Image
So when You birthed me
You could not imagine this
An Ageless Image
An external U tur (n) Us with internal Testi-calls
Physically and/or mentally
We are Revered Sacred at festivals
Divinity of Universal Mind
So i- IdentIfy- as male or female to satisfy
Those encased in jail sitting on gender ice
At times i mutate so my soul can take flight
I AM an Ageless Image
Surpassing nipples that ripple and rip apart my cosmic dreams.
Soaring by scrotum impressions, triggering unwanted aggression onto Kings and Queens.
Bypassing apples, bitten lips that don’t speak my language
i, then unknowing, have anguish ‘til i came to, know there is no limit. i have no image.
I AM Thee Ageless Image
We take it back to basics, the line of scrimmage
These lines will hemorrhage every illusion constructed, clearing eyesight obstructed
Our images will challenge every non-Universal institution that says I AM not!
Remind All who forgot!
I will shape shift and shatter your scientific dogma, rhetoric & societal definitions-
I AM, THEE AGELESS IMAGE since the BEGINNING.
—–
By O.N.E.I. © 2013
Love Ourselves, Love Our Bodies: Tobias Houlton
Today’s reflection on body images comes to us from Tobias Houlton.
Born into a world where body image and the systematic portrayal of gender can be restrictive to most people at best, I found my trans identity a little stressful to say the least. Since my earliest memory, I understood that my gender did not conform with my body. The binary lifestyles that we are encouraged to lead meant that I could not enjoy the way of life of the boys around me. Puberty was a whole other rollercoaster. As boys appeared to luxuriate in becoming men, I got stuck with female puberty–complicated with polycystic ovarian syndrome… heck, that condition is something else! Facing issues with increased prejudice and an unhealthy body and mind, I became heavily disinterested in maintaining myself. I packed on the weight and gave up… until I discovered access to healthcare that would see my transition into manhood possible.
Since the moment I received hormones, I rediscovered myself. I felt a purpose to life because I was released from the shackles of a false identity. I began to pursue powerlifting – a sport that I had previously been discouraged in. It has seen me burn the calories and build up physical strength. I am now healthier and happier. I have become more outgoing and positive. I feel alive!! I no longer resent my past, but view it as a spiritual path that has enforced an awareness and consideration for different people. Not to judge and fear, but to appreciate and work to understand for the better good.
It’s not entirely a happy ending though. I still carry a great deal of frustration towards the closed mindset of society. I know my ability to bond with people has improved, not just because I’ve grown in confidence, but because I fit better into this gender-coded society. I am conscious that so many LGBTQ people suffer needlessly at the hands of ignorant people. There’s a lot of work that still needs to be done across the world… but we can have faith that improved education and opportunity is on the increase. Tomorrow will be a better world!
Love Ourselves, Love Our Bodies: Cash Warren
Today’s post comes to us from Cash Warren, a 27 year old transman who works as an Emergency Medical Technician. His goal is to coach and condition athletes.
My name is Cash and I’m a gym addict. I am committed and invested to self improvement. I’m insane about it. I enjoy going to the gym and working out all my issues. It gets downright dirty with the sweating and the grunting and all that nasty stuff. But I know that I’m in the right place to improve and work out all my issues. I encourage everyone regardless of fitness background to go, because once you walk out of there you feel better. Going to the gym improves health and well being. Go ahead and be a gym addict too.
BI4J Presents a Panel Discussion on “Supporting Our Child’s Transition”
Please join BodyImage4Justice, along with the Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition, Greater Boston PFLAG, the Livingston Pangburn Transgender Access Partnership, and many others for a lively panel discussion on raising and supporting transgender children moderated by Corey Yarbrough of the Hispanic Black Gay Coalition.
This event will take place on Wednesday, December 4th at Fong Auditorium, Boylston Hall at Harvard University from 6:00-9:00 pm. Light refreshments will be served, and short massage therapy sessions will be available before and after the panel discussion.
BodyImage4Justice believes that the foundation of health is a positive body image and sense of self, which is strongly influenced by our relationship with our parents and family. This panel discussion will help trans children who face challenges in coming out to their families, offer tools and strategies to build a supportive relationship between parents and children, and provide resources for both parents and children to understand each other and navigate the process of transition together.
BodyImage4Justice will also honor the parents of the Livingston Pangburn Transgender Access Partnership (TAP) at this event for their contributions to the Boston transgender community. TAP is a Greater Boston PFLAG initiative that was created in memory of Livingston Pangburn, a transgender Hampshire College student who was killed in a bicycle accident earlier this year. TAP seeks to both increase services available and reach out to underserved, disenfranchised transgender youth and their families.
We hope you and your family will join us for this event!
Love Ourselves, Love Our Bodies: Justice Roe Williams
Today’s reflection on body image is by BodyImage4Justice founder, Justice Roe Williams.
Body Image is a large umbrella that encompasses so many dimensions. I will start with how I see myself and then move into how others view me.
For a very long time, I could not move beyond my skin. It crowded me with mixed messages of hate and love. The dichotomy of this or that. I learned very early to hate the skin that I’m in and love the idea that light skin to white skin is beautiful.
I grew up a very dark child from the summer tar that winter wiped into charcoal grey. As was the feeling in my heart each time I was pushed aside, ignored, demonized because somehow I could not wash the hate away. Yet in my way I knew I was loved.
To unveil the layers of hate, my continuing journey of finding all of me has given me moments of divine joy, to know that I can be all that I am and still have love. Each day I find my strength in knowing that, no matter the challenge, the source to continue comes from a deeper space, which is a genuine need to love. I use this as my armor, although please remember that armor can be punctured–but I have become very skilled at the mending.
I didn’t think about gender at an early age. I saw me, and I saw me in this skin, no questions asked, just a sponge full of intention. And my intention was just to live the good life, better than “Good Times” at 939 Virginia Ave Court, I wanted us to “Move on up” in this world watching my mother struggle yet still being the rock for aunts, uncles, cousins and friends who all lived in our two bedroom project home.
There I observed and experienced a life so loving yet misunderstood. I wasn’t different, yet I so longed for sameness: to be light like my mother, to be bodied like my brother. I wanted value to my life. I wanted to feel worthy!!!! I wanted to feel like they did on TV, normal. In many ways, like Nellie Wong, “I longed to be white”, I longed for a mirror reflection of the same.
I connected Whiteness to everything right, clean and intelligent, and so far from who I believed I was. In Church, Jesus was white man living in Africa, the birth place of all shades of Black. This was reinforced by my mom, who hung white Jesus in the front room of our home. I was terrorized in school by illogical gestures of statehood when more people like me are placed behind bars, in bars, or under bars.
I tried to live my life in absences of gender, in absence of feelings I had no language for, so my revolution was movements in Black. In 1998, the death of Rita Hester changed me. I was no longer in fear of being exactly who I am. I came out fighting harder and more passionately than I have ever in my life before. I began stitching my life together bit by bit.
Black Trans man, revolutionary, lover, and so much more…. I am not the same, yet I honor this otherness I have. I honor all of who I am!!
– Justice Roe Williams
BodyImage4Justice 